A Guide For Women-The 'Famous' Guy's language

MEN LANGUAGE	WHAT IT REALLY MEANS IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE
I'm going fishing	I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety
It's a guy thing	There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical
Can I help with dinner?	Why isn't it already on the table?
Uh huh, Sure, honey, or Yes, dear	Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response
It would take too long to explain	I have no idea how it works
I'm getting more exercise lately	The batteries in the remote are dead
We're going to be late	Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac
Take a break, honey, you're working too hard	I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner
That's interesting, dear	Are you still talking?
Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love	I forgot our anniversary again
You expect too much of me	You want me to stay awake?
That's women's work	It's difficult, dirty, and thankless
You know how bad my memory is	I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday
Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal	I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt
I do help around the house	I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket
Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing	I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon
I can't find it	It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless
What did I do this time?	What did you catch me doing?
I heard you	I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next days yelling at me
You look terrific	Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving
I missed you	I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper
I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are	I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.
We share the housework	I make the messes, you clean them up
This relationship is getting too serious	You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck
I don't need to read the instructions	I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help